Doctors Grieve First

Time of dead 02:30

Is it really over?

Has the curtain been drawn?

Is this a transition?

Have they really closed their eyes forever

Or is this just a mere superstition?

Then Silence takes over,

They offer 1minute silence

Without even knowing it,

distraught, speechless without pretence

They fail to believe it.

With remorseful conscience 

They take a second, maybe a third

Or even a last look

Just to see any sign of life

But the motionless body

Stares hopelessly back at them

The silence thickens

Oh! Dear

Their heart sickens

As they fight to hold back tears

Was it the patients time?

Or is their something more 

They could have done?

Was it their fate?

Or should they have had more faith

Their thoughts wanders aimlessly

In search of answers,

But they are met with more questions.

Than answers

Unfailingly,

They offered Silent prayers

Ending with may they rest in peace

Broken into pieces they try to gather 

their thoughts,

And wonder all soughts

They are broken and its not hard to see

But then..

they save some thoughts for the family.

About to grief

Life may have been stolen

But should memories be too

Broken with grief opened

They have learnt a thing or two

Life is fleeting but grief long lasting 

With face down, they back down

And Retreat To reminisce,

As the nurses do their last office

In the waiting room, The relatives awaits

To the hear the good news

With a fluttering heart they approach

To break the bad News

To the anticipating few 

So that the grief can go viral

But before then, the Doctors had grieved 

It may have been a diminishing one

For the fallen one

If this.....

is not grief

Then I don’t know what grief 

© S.Ojiegbe

Before I fell

Slowly but Silently your caressing words ate deep into my resistance,

I tried to look away from your piercing stare

but I was marveled at your resilience as you made all the right moves 

just to weaken my defenses. 

I stood still like a little child mortified by the night 

wondering whether to scream out loud 

or just hide my stuttering behind my stern face. 

But you smiled at me, you did smile at me reassuring me that you are just right. 

Amidst my unspoken plight, you stood there feeding me with words that had an aftertaste, 

words smooth enough to quench my fright.

In my weakness, you gained your strength 

and your disarming words kept permeating even when I never wanted it to, 

your voice kept resonating in this my foolish heart. 

I have never met someone who could twist English so badly as you 

but yet all are making sense hitherto.

Be still I cautioned my heart, 

the advice was too late cos the heart already fell - that I could feel. 

When I started smiling with each thought of you 

I knew it was time to give up and give in. 

But who gives in without him overtly trying, 

words are only what they are and you're fond of mixing them like a wordsmith that you are.

Slowly you stole my heart and made them yours, 

while I lay awake most nights wondering 

why I could not help becoming truly yours. 

In all you do with my heart please save my concentration and focus for me, 

for those are all I have left and would always need before I fall again.

Unrequited Love

Which is worse?

The fact that I fell in love with you,

Or the hurt, you caused

When you failed to love me too...

You gave your reasons of course,

But my failing heart cannot make it without you,

It will always pause,

With every thought of you…

How do I make you love me?

Even when you have failed to,

How do I make you see?

That I do not want to let go,

How do I get through to thee?

What do I do?

It’s you dear, are you that blind not to see?

Then why do you need me to let go?

When certain things are meant to be…

Can your heart consider an appeal?

Can it look with pity on me?

For at least, now it knows how I feel...

You are my dream and my fantasy,

Without your love, my broken heart can never heal...

Even when I try letting go of thee,

This foolish heart of mine won’t be still…

If my heart in all its torture, won’t stop beating for you,

Then it should stop beating for me…

For I am lovelorn and my only crime, is loving you.

Nigeria should’ve been a Home,

Incarcerated with my thought,

As I watched my sleep stagger away,

Struggling to hold forth,

but my mind had lost what to say,

my muse to write, suddenly in fright,

busy life or busy days, I really doubt,

running from danger, I always ran home,

but when home becomes unsafe,

one question life’s outcome,

the accidents and incidents we forgave,

But Nigeria should have been a home….

Night was quick to give way to morning,

People will still wake up mourning,

confused with what would become,

or who would serve the penance,

Nigeria should have been their home,

But their soul cries for vengeance.

Is it the Ozubulu massacre?

Or the little boy maimed during the owerri market scatter?

Which should I say, which do I highlight?

Try as I may, I still fail to fathom but pray it’ll be alright

But Nigeria should have been a home….

Imagine if it’s your mum that grieves,

Or your family and friends who mourns,

Like fallen leaves, left to wither,

Or a lady scorned and terribly bitter,

Things will never be same as it was,

The essence of living gradually fading,

With grief and pains, unending,

And the uncertainties of a country there was,

Someday it will end of course,

Then, there will be no use figuring out what will become,

When finally, Nigeria becomes a home.

Dedicated to the family and friends who lost loved ones due to uncertainties of a country, and to those who lost their lives, God knows best...+RIP

SECOND HALF

For once it was easier to sleep than to wake up, with sleepy eyes I looked through my phone that had been in solitude beside my bed, I saw loads of messages and I said to myself people of this world had a way of celebrating things, growing up I only celebrated Easters and Christmas but now it's happy new day, happy new week, happy new month, lately it's happy first half of the year. On a deeper thought I realized that God blesses us continuously so we should be happy all the time and celebrate the moments, Waking up to the reality of having spent the first half of 2016 left me to ponder on how I made it to the second half...

It must've been 9:30pm on the 31st of December and being the first New year eve I will be spending alone, outside the love of family and the confines of a country there was. I wanted to spend it in church because God is family too. No buses damn!! I must have dialed the wrong taxi company when after 10mins a taxi pulled over in front of my house and as I was settling in, I noticed the man had full blown beards with his mustache romancing vividly his jaw beards, In his Pakistan accent he asked "where are you going my friend"? With my igbotic accent I responded " St Barnabas Cathedral". He said my friend you've got an accent and I was like so do you. He told me today "it's twice the price". I nodded in partial agreement not minding spending the money I had for a good course and then he started both the car and meter, I had never seen a meter move so fast, 4 quid just to reverse in front of my house, I kept my eyes on the meter and watched it bolt away in pride till it got to a wallet provoking reading I did not know when I spoke broken " Abeg make I come down joor... I go take leg finish am Haba" as I walked the rest of the journey, I immediately missed home where you bid price with the taxi driver and sit uncomfortably on the jalopy, feeding your eyes with all the stickers on the dashboard while trying to avoid staining your dress with the almost clean car interior. I got to the church and it was locked " Haa!! is this how they will lock some people outside heaven" I walked closer and almost round the big church when I realized there were no lights and no mass going on. I steadied my breathe and worried more about my long walk home than my safety, because across the road and miles away were people partying, fire works everywhere , pubs buzzing with crowds and pub owner grinning from ear to ear from their sales and they will stop at nothing till all the the guests go home in delirium. Made it home almost midnight said my prayers and waited for the new year, how fast it came and ran that it's first July already. The first half may not have been my best in years but it sure did end well and in a grand style that the ovation will still be on years after my June of miracles is long gone. Looking back now I know it must have been God and I took solace on my favorite line which I coined when things don't work as we planned " God certainly knows how best to take care of his children " 

Happy New Month and Welcome to the second half of 2016

Love at first sight

Our bonding started right from my conception, i rememeber how many times i kicked on your cervix and punched on your stomach when am nervous but you had your way of calming me down, because my view of this world was so large, how could i make anything out through your belly button window. You always thought i was going to be your girl, with each market visit you always came home with a ladies babies cloth in anticipation for the delivery of your baby girl. When my genital organ started forming, i know how disappointed you will be but how could i be your kill joy because you have already gotten lots of clothes for your baby girl. So i kept developing into a male ready to wear female clothes for the better part of my first year.

Before we knew it, it was the month of my delivery and the doctor said i was a big baby and it just had to be a caeserian section but you where so scared of the blade and took to the blessed sacrament. I felt your arms on your tommy one day with you kneeling infront of the blessed sacrament and your tears trickled down your checks,found you cleavage as it made its way to your abdomen. I felt this cold chills down my premature spines, i cannot remember vividly but i must have said a quiet prayer because i cannot be making this lady cry just because she wants to give life to me. I was depressed for a few days, if their was a way i could have stopped myself from eating, i would have but you kept eating the food, taking away the chaff, chunning it and presenting it to me the best way i needed it. But mum how do u expect me not to add wieght when i was enjoying those and lounging in your womb.

A little after middle of june, you felt water trickle down your thighs and you knew it was time, you beckoned on your husband who was going to be my loving Dad. He rushed to where we where battling, he held your hands and told you it will be fine. That meant alot to us then, emeka rushed and got the bags and escorted us to the car and said he wanted to follow, but mum you told him to take care of his other brothers. Then we made it to the hospital not without your incessant painful cries, the doctor asked them to get the theatre ready just incase she could not deliver me, with each painful cry i got more scared because i did not know why you where crying. I felt a finger approaching my head so i shifted but it hit my protection and i was like God had its way of protecting his children, i kicked on you tommy hard this time for allowing someone hand but you whispered it will soon be over my baby so i kept calm and waited to finally meet this person who had haboured me for as long as i can remember.

Soon i felt your womb squeezing me and alot of screams from the outside "madam push! Push!! Push!!!. I was like are they asking her to push me away. I was so scared that i pee'd and stooled same time. My heart started beating faster because why will they be forcing her to push me out of an environment am so used to, to where i did not know. With multiple recurrent squeezing of your tommy it kept pushing me through a canal and no matter how i tried to hang on, i was overpowered by the incessant push and i was terrified with the screams i kept hearing but i was helpless because i kept on moving to my unknown destination. Then i felt this hot air on my head and a hand on my head and within seconds i felt the air all over my body, it was so different from what am used to so i started crying, i was handed over to you and i opened my eyes and i saw you and the last of your tears that made it through pain and it was love at first sight. You screamed "somtochukwu" "join me and praise God" and the doctor was like "i guess we wont be needing the theatre again".

This love had continued to grow till date... All i have tried doing is to let you know i understand and I love you so much. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MUM

A CRY IN THE DARK

A CRY IN THE DARK

She lay in the dark fighting to hold back tears, but they trickled down her bubble cheeks and made their way to her cleavage. She kept on crying as memories of her encounter with her boss this afternoon replayed in her head. It's not like it's the first time she is having this encounter but today's own broke the camels back she thought to herself.  She tried to clear her head but it's filled with conflicting emotions, she rose her head from her tears soaked pillow but the headache still lingered near worsening her heartache.

Should I quit the job? Many a times she had asked herself but the falling Nigerian economy and the ever increasing level of unemployment will frown at it,  considering the fact that she is the first born and the parents barely fed trying to see her through university, so a lot of responsibilities where bestowed on her being the first so she had managed to hang on to the job, swallowing much of her bosses attitudes, passes and confrontations but today's own was the height of it all.

She managed to make it to her wardrobe, raised her pile of clothes to bring out an old file, dusted it and searched through,to find a resignation letter which she had written few weeks after accepting the job. She was reading through it amidst the tear when her mind flashed back at the incidence that led to her writing the letter......She had walked into his bosses office to harken to his call, when he ushered her in and offered her to sit on the settee next to him. He made to reach for the wine glass when she asked what all these are for, she was referring to the bottle of choice wine cooling in the ice bucket and two wine glasses finely positioned on the table facing the settee. The boss pretended he never heard her and popped the wine and stylishly filled both glasses to the brim with the sparkling wine, handed her a glass which she declined and the boss looked at her sternly and licked his lips and muttered slowly, I have always liked you right from the first day. That was why I employed you ahead of other people that applied. When you started working here, no matter how hard I tried, I could not keep my eyes off you neither could I get the thoughts of how your skirts hugs your hips and how your gluteal region wobbles each time you make your way to door after talking with me in the office... You are happily married with children she hushed him, unhappily married he bluffed, that is why I need to find my happiness and comfort in you. She could not wait for him to finish before she made her way to the door but not without leaving behind a sentence " I am so sorry boss but you picked the wrong lady. My conscience,belief, principles and religion will not let me, please sir find your happiness in another lady.

The boss made it to the door before her, held her hands and told her it's no one but you, I'd rather have you or no one else will besides it's not subject for discussion or you find yourself another job. She was trying to comprehend her bosses words when he dragged her closer and started suffocating her with kisses, she clinched her teeth but that did not deter the randy boss who kept on kissing off her lipstick and squeezing her firm breast like a released prisoner who was denied conjugal rights during his long incarceration. She managed to disentangle herself from his tight embrace and ran out of his office to the hall way closing her buttons and adjusting her clothes, she barely made it to her office before she burst out crying and that was what she spent the rest of her usually busy day doing."..................